Photo of Funny Indian

Funny Indian

General Info

  • Genre:

    Stand-Up / Mainstream / Asian

  • TV Shows

    Interview, FOX 19 local morning news show (September 2005)

  • Films

    "Ride the Wind." Music video created by John Robinson. Distributed to the entire class of Fairfield Middle School, circa 1989. How this didn't end up launching a full-time full-length motion picture career I'm still not sure.

  • Albums

    An inadvertent mention on Tom Simmons' CD

  • Website

    funnyindian.com

  • Bio

    Your Highbrow, Fun-Size Comedian: Rajiv Satyal is the small, bespectacled Indian guy from Ohio whose witty and TV-clean act covers everything from racial issues to soap bottles to his favorite topic - himself. Despite not breaking 100 pounds till his junior year in high school and sprouting a moustache in elementary school, he somehow glided through childhood without being picked-on. A friend would later comment, "Sounds like God picked on you enough." And with that, he went into comedy. In June 2005, he won The Funniest Person in Cincinnati contest in the semipro/professional division. While working at Procter & Gamble, he performed stand-up at many P&G and other corporate events and had his own column in P&G's Home Made Simple newsletter, which reached 8 million US households. Occasionally, Rajiv was seen doing actual P&G work. He has since opened for many nationally-renowned comics, including Dave Chappelle, Kevin James, and Kevin Nealon. Rajiv has opened for Russell Peters in sold-out auditoriums across the U.S.A. In fact, in December 2006, when asked by an Indian newspaper about "comics to watch," Rajiv was only 1 of 2 in the States whom Russell named. Rajiv was often heard on various Cincinnati radio stations and thruout the Midwest as a Feature Act in clubs and colleges. Rajiv turned 30 in March 2006, at which point he freaked out, gave up the day job, and is now a full-time comic based in LA. You can also find Rajiv online at http://www.funnyindian.com and www.iTunes.com. View Rajiv Satyal's profile on LinkedIn

  • Members

    Only

  • Influences

    Chevy Chase. Jerry Seinfeld. Chris Rock. Dave Chappelle. Larry David. Woody Allen. Kevin Nealon. Ellen DeGeneres. Mo Rocca. Mel Brooks. Russell Peters. Todd Barry. Tom Simmons. Ricky Gervais. My Uncle. Friend in 3rd Grade Who Said I'd Never Make Him Laugh.

Blurbs

About me:

I NO LONGER RESPOND TO MYSPACE COMMENTS OR MESSAGES. PLEASE FIND ME ON FUNNYINDIAN.COM OR FACEBOOK. I'D SAY "SORRY FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE" BUT BLAME TOM FOR MANAGING THE CRAPPIEST SITE ON THE WEB. THANKS!
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:Rajiv Satyal
Birthday:3/7/1976
Birthplace:Hamilton, OH (25 min NW of Cincinnati)
Current Location:Los Angeles, CA
Eye Color:Brown
Hair Color:Black
Height:5'7"
Right Handed or Left Handed:Right
Your Heritage:"Amurican"
The Shoes You Wore Today:...Got my Vans on but they look like sneakers...
Your Weakness:"Eczema"
Your Fears:Turning 40, watching TV, thinking, "I coulda done that."
Your Perfect Pizza:LaRosa's
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Sleep with Heidi Klum
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:ha yeah
Thoughts First Waking Up:"Just wakin' up in the mornin', gotta thank God..."
Your Best Physical Feature:Vas Deferens
Your Bedtime:When the big hand is over the little hand - oh, that's at Neverland.
Your Most Missed Memory:I don't recall.
Pepsi or Coke:Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:You speled McDonald's wrong, douchebag. "I like the Whopper; [bleep] the Big Mac." "You see, they're MacDonald's. I'm McDowell's."
Single or Group Dates:Single dates leading to group sex
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:No one cares, dude.
Chocolate or Vanilla:Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:Hot Chocolate
Do you Smoke:Strong anti-
Do you Swear:Does it put me in 2nd grade or 3rd to answer "f*** yeah"?
Do you Sing:Can't carry a tune in a bucket but I love karaoke like an Asian.
Do you Shower Daily:I shower the world with laughter.
Have you Been in Love:Yes.
Do you want to go to College:"I wanna go back (go back) and do it all over."
Do you want to get Married:Yes.
Do you belive in yourself:I'm not sure what "belive" is but "I only believe in me - Yoko and me."
Do you get Motion Sickness:In cars when I read but interestingly not when I'm sending an email while driving.
Do you think you are Attractive:I know I'm a sexpot. It's the Pinocchio nose and the Dumbo ears. How can you resist?
Are you a Health Freak:What's a health freak? Someone who loves carrots but must shove 'em up his ass first?
Do you get along with your Parents:"Well, if I say 'yes,' then I'm an idiot, right?"
Do you like Thunderstorms:Yes, I love all natural disasters.
Do you play an Instrument:Yes - the viola. And your mom.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:No but I've drunk it.
In the past month have you Smoked:No - See above, dickmilk.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:Alcohol.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:No - "I'm a loser, baby..."
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Like totally.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:A BOX? I hope no one has eaten an entire box.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:Yes - I had it today.
In the past month have you been on Stage:Yes.
In the past month have you been Dumped:No - I don't get dumped.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:I weigh very little. So, if I partake of some Skoal, am I in?
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:A kiss.
Ever been Drunk:Love-drunk off your hump.
Ever been called a Tease:A flirt, but not a tease. Guys aren't teases any more than we can be skanks.
Ever been Beaten up:No. Ironically, I've beaten someone up.
Ever Shoplifted:No. Thou Shalt Not Steal. (I stole that from Moses.)
How do you want to Die:"The best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep."
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Older.
What country would you most like to Visit:Screw other countries. I tole ya. I'm Amurican.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:Pink. Oh, eyes. I don't know.
Favourite Hair Color:Are you a G-D Brit? What's up w/ your spelling? And aren't you supposed to have bad teeth but better grammar?
Short or Long Hair:Long - I'm a guy. C'mon.
Height:I love tall women.
Weight:Less than me - tough to find.
Best Clothing Style:Off.
Number of Drugs I have taken:Does Centrum count?
Number of CDs I own:100 or so - not that many. Lots of mp3s, tho.
Number of Piercings:0
Number of Tattoos:0 - I know - I'm boring.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:0 - See above answers to piercings and tattoos.

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
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Who I'd like to meet:

Anyone who can name 5 songs by Taylor Dayne without Google.

Details

  • Status: Single
  • Here for: Networking, Friends
  • Hometown: Cincinnati, OH
  • Orientation: Straight
  • Body type: 5' 7" / Slim / Slender
  • Ethnicity: East Indian
  • Religion: Hindu
  • Zodiac Sign: Pisces
  • Children: Someday
  • Smoke / Drink: No / Yes
  • Education: College graduate
  • Occupation: Comic

Interests

Schools

  • University Of Cincinnati-Main Campus

    • Cincinnati,Ohio
    • Graduated: 2000
    • Student status: Alumni
    • Degree: Bachelor's Degree
    • Major: Materials Engineering
    • Clubs: Elected President, Alpha Sigma Mu (materials engineering national honorary society). Selected for Tau Beta Pi, national engineering honor society. Elected Vice President, Student Senate. Basically, King of Nerds.
    1996 to 2000

  • Case Western Reserve University

    • Cleveland,Ohio
    • Graduated: N/A
    • Degree: Bachelor's Degree
    • Major: Engineering
    • Clubs: Class President. Student Government.
    • Greek: Phi Gamma Delta
    1994 to 1996

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