Lately I find life is full of crashes; good feelings gone sour. It makes me feel very unstable. Today, most people who are conscious of this psychological roller coaster tend to immediately try and diagnose it as some disorder as soon as possible. They give up and declare themselves "psychologically pigeon toed", or "depressed". They don't push through it and search to find the warm jets in life. Instead they boldly, or maybe blindly, hand themselves over to the medicated lifestyle.
As a student in college, I'm prone to spending long amounts of time making music in my private recording space. My rig stays on for weeks, though I'm not always pushing tracks. Like many artists, I have thousands upon thousands of unfinished songs. For whatever reason, I'll find a track unsatisfying, and so I toss it in my library of unfinished pieces. Sometimes I'll even finish a track, then deem it unworthy of release. And so it gets binned. Usually it's just my hypercritical judgment that causes this, but either way I have not yet found a consistent means of dealing with it.
I do this same thing with thoughts. I will linger on a thought for weeks, and worry, or maybe ponder the possibilities of it becoming a reality; while deep down, I know there is a slim chance of it's success. It leads me to a false sense of well being. And because of this, I've wildly pursued stability for the last few months. I've come to find that it doesn't exist. One dreams only to keep himself busy. Maybe everyone dreams, knowing the likelihood of a realistic outcome getting in the way. You may deem this negativity childish, but I then declare you ignorant.
I am not sad, I am human. I am not wrong, I am just sleeping. Keep your reality away from me. I don't need it. I'll continue to live in my world of fantasy, and you can watch me make something of myself.
New tracks to be posted soon.
My name is Elliott Johnson. A lot of people know me by my many forum name, Sleep Russia. I'm 18 years old studying marketing and psychology at Florida Gulf Coast University. Electronic music has been apart of my life for about 4 years now, but music has been apart of my whole life. I play many instruments. I've been in many bands, mostly indie/ shoegaze bands. I'm currently a guitarist and programmer for the band, Color Everything. Hello Pacific is a project of mine that I started three years ago. I try to combine anything from field recordings to random samples, along with instruments and synthesizers. I like music that's capable of influencing a decision, given the proper setting. I am young, and will forever keep learning. Keep your eyes out.